The gift of learning

Mark Twain was quite pointed and sometimes downright callous with his remarks, many of which are now elevated to famous quotes. You can’t help, however, to chuckle at some of them, such as this one, "First God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made School Boards." Twain must have been aggravated about the way schools were managed in his time. Whether that has improved in our times I will not discuss here, because this piece is not about schools. It is about education. I believe that we all agree, to some extent, that self-development is a good thing. While not everyone may be equally enamored by formal education, we all seem to be in sync about the importance of learning, whether this happens in school or somewhere else.

Perusing through the “Ask the Expert” section of a Surinamese newspaper, my eyes fell on a letter from a man who expressed his concern about the fact that his wife wants him to return to school and finish his education. The couple had met when they were both still in school: she was studying to become an educator, and he was in the arts. She got pregnant and he exchanged his schooling for a full-time job. She finished her education, and continued it after the birth of their child to the point where she now holds a master’s degree. Having a good job now, the wife wants her husband to also elevate his education, but he doesn’t feel that this is necessary. He holds the opinion that he has a decent job, which served a good purpose over the past years, so why should he return to school in order to learn anything else?

I felt that the response from the expert to whom this letter was addressed made good sense. The expert understood the man’s complaints, but also invited him to try reviewing his circumstances from a different angle: when one part of a couple continues to educate him- or herself and the other doesn’t, a disparity may emerge. Personally, I believe that there are even more viewpoints to consider here, such as a positive self-image and more opportunities for the person who engages in continued self-development. So, aside from restoring the intellectual balance with his wife, this man could increase his opportunities in life, whether the couple would stay together or not. And this element of continued progress for the self (and not necessarily for others) should be a key driver.

Studying is like working out. If you have not done it for a long time you feel reluctant to start again, because you know you'll have to reactivate muscles that were inactive for quite some time. In the case of education you will need to put gray cells that may have been hibernating back to work. It is particularly hard in the beginning; yet, it becomes more fun when you immerse more deeply into it. And the outcome is priceless! At the end of the ride you are extremely proud of yourself!

Now returning to Mark Twain, I readily admit that formal education can be frustrating sometimes. There are many stuffy, obsolete policies and practices that remain unaddressed because they would require too much money, time, and effort: admission procedures are often unreasonable, structures often outdated, lesson plans often dusty, and teachers often stranded in theories that are no longer valid. Fortunately, there are many roads leading to Rome today: the Internet, for example, with its abundance of material online, and books through which you can engage in self-study. And let's not forget the many independent courses worldwide. These are dynamic times, and I make a bow to anyone who dares to resume the thread of his or her development. Good luck!

The Gift of Loving our Animal Friends

Molly is a horse with three legs*. Oh, she was born in perfect condition, but during the floods caused by Hurricane Katrina in Louisiana, she was abandoned by her boss. After weeks of wandering around in flooded areas, she was found and taken to a farm where abandoned animals were harbored. Unfortunately, Molly's misery did not end there, because she was attacked by a pitbull who mangled her right foreleg. As it usually goes with social cases, Molly was not a priority for the vet, because there was no one who could pay the bill. Luckily the vet saw her and was moved with compassion. He saw how careful Molly treated her damaged leg and how she would lay in ways that she would not acquire any additional wounds. He also saw how she allowed people to help her. This horse wanted to survive and the vet decided to help.

Molly's mangled leg was amputated just below the knee and she received a provisional prosthetic leg. From there on, things improved steadily. A prosthetic specialist made her a permanent prosthesis and thanks to her balanced attitude Molly regained her zest for life. Today, she even notifies others when she wants her prosthetic leg attached or removed and best of all, she even has a job! Molly and her new owner visit hospitals and other places where people, especially children, have lost the will to live. With her presence and the story about her survival many get encouraged to work on their recovery with renewed energy.

Stories like Molly’s can be found around the world. Animals can be our greatest friends if we let them. We only need to be receptive to their generous, giving nature in order to experience how kindhearted most of them are. And then, it should be self-explanatory that we should also be there for them when they are in distress.

It is this last part that is sometimes lacking among humans. We want our animals to be there for us when we need them, but when it is the other way around, we often feel as if we cannot invest as much time, love and energy in them.

I therefore welcome the initiatives of many animal shelters and entities who go out of their way to save abandoned or mistreated pets and try to give them a new, loving home. The most painful truth is that many people think they are animal lovers, and choose to remain in complete ignorance about their actions. Think of the many people who state that they love their birds, but keep them caged year after year? Or those who swear that they love their dog but keep them chained month after month with no running space and no time or chance to play? And think of all the people that walk around in zoos with great pleasure, totally ignorant to the suffering of those caged animals?

There's a nasty selfish basis in keeping animals captive for our enjoyment. It reveals our inability to relate to the fate of these animals that have received a life sentence without having committed any crime. However, we do have the ability to think and reflect, and I am inviting you to consider animals with more reflective depth -- not only your pets but all animals. Give them a chance of a life they can enjoy, please? Take good care of them. Feed them well, take them to the vet when they are ill, and grant them proper space to move and play? If your pet is always locked or chained because you are so busy, you might want to consider granting him or her some more time, or donating  him or her to someone who can muster more time and love? I do hope that you read this in the spirit in which it is intended: not as reprimand, but as a humble request from animal lover to another.

* Story adopted from http://www.snopes.com/photos/animals/molly.asp

The gift of focus

Life is a sequence of experiences, gentle and hard

This is a reality from which none of us is barred

But there are different ways

Of perceiving our living days

And to do so, we don’t have to be unusually smart.

We should always consider – before we raise our voices

That what we experience is the result of our own choices

We may not have known before

What our chosen path had in store

But reflection is always better than making twitchy noises.

Yet, even more important for us is the understanding

That we alienate others by complaining and demanding

If we grumble and gripe all the time

Our life’s value won’t be worth a dime

And worst of all: we’ll feel as if our misery is expanding!

For, while we cannot see in our future when we choose

We can decide to sing a happy life-tune or wail the blues

You see, our focus actually determines

The content of our personal sermons

It triggers the difference between sensing if we win or lose.

In our lives we have many things to be overjoyed about

But also things that can cause us to moan, cry, or shout

Some of us see our glass as half full

Others nag that it’s a half-empty pool

Forgetting that overcoming trials is what it’s all about.

So, if you wish, take this as a well-intended invitation

To reflect on your life and engage in contemplation

Is it really all terrible and bad?

Or are there things that make you glad?

If so, let’s gratefully celebrate our life’s jubilation!

joan marques

The gift of Good Karma

A good friend of mine - I call him my "brother" - has recently started a new project: "Project Good Karma." The first time he mentioned it to me I was a bit skeptical. Logical actually, if you reside in a heavily commercially grafted country as America and someone tells you that he plans to persuade affluent individuals to give 1% of their property to a charitable cause, preferably in their own area, so that they can instantly see the result of their good deed. Noble idea, for sure! But how many people would really seriously think about this? Well, as I gave it some deeper thought, I became increasingly convinced, just like my brother, that there are indeed plenty of people living on spaceship earth, who would like to do something good, but simply lack confidence in the many ads they see on television about sending donations to poor children in remote areas. It is, after all, equally well-known that from all these donations only a tiny part really benefit these needy children. The lion share of the donations is spent on salaries, travel and hotel costs and other expenses of the organization members: albeit for the purpose, yet not the way it was intended by the donors. Good Karma Project appeals to me because of its all-volunteer based structure, and its local focus. So, no support for remote projects of which you cannot find out whether they really materialize.

Karma is, in itself, not an unknown concept, but for those still wondering: it stems from Hinduism and Buddhism, and is literally translated as 'act', 'action' or 'deed'. It means that a good deed results in good consequences, and a bad deed in bad consequences. According to the Buddhist teachings greed, hatred and ignorance are the three main causes of evil deeds, while the opposite of these three phenomena, generosity, loving-kindness, and understanding, are the foundation for good deeds. According to this principle, one’s actions are more important than his or her faith. In other words, if you engage in good deeds, it does not matter what you believe. You can probably recall that warm feeling inside when you performed a good deed to someone who did not expect it. It is very much in line with the old adage: "A bit of fragrance sticks to the hand that gives flowers."

 So how does Project Good Karma work? Well, the basic goal is to get people interested in it by elevating their awareness. We all grumble about the inequality in the world and the unjust suffering of so many, but we often think it will carry too far to actually do something about it. That is actually just a smart way to appease our conscience, because we can perform good deeds all around us. The Good Karma Project is looking for volunteers who are interested to become Good Karma Ambassadors in their area. There is little time and no money required for this commitment: only good will and decisiveness. Good Karma Ambassadors will encourage others in their area who might also want to engage in this noble purpose. The Good Karma group in a particular neighborhood, city, or district, then determines who or what is in their environment needs help, brings this in the larger group, and together we look at how we can make a difference.No hidden agendas and nothing else to be gained than the realization that we’re doing something good for our fellow beings.

Participating in the Good Karma Project also means that you help other people around you aware of needs that they can help alleviate. And the more we mitigate needs, the more confidence we gain in our own abilities. If we can create small groups that work on raising awareness and improving local situations in different places on earth, we can extensively and collaboratively do something about the suffering of others. The Good Karma project is not tied to any organization, but consists entirely of volunteers. If you are on Facebook, you can read more about it in the group "Project Good Karma (PGK)." I think it's a wonderful idea and am certainly participating.How about you?

The gift of self-respect

It is only when we face enormous challenges that we realize what a gift self-respect is. Some of us may be well aware how hard it can be to maintain it, when we seem to lose everything else! Life can be unpredictable: today we can consider ourselves in full control and on top of the world, and tomorrow we may hit rock-bottom. For others, who witness our plight from a distance, it may seem ridiculous when we feel worthless, but they may not be able to relate to our experience and the depth of our feelings.

However, even when we go through extremely tough times, we should consider the one we always see when we look into the mirror. We owe it to that person to maintain our self-respect. I recently read in a Surinamese newspaper that a woman, who was desperate because her husband had intentions to leave her for a younger woman, visited a traditional healer ("bonumang") to save her marriage. The man did not only charge her quite some money for his "services," but advised her to do the creepiest thing: she had to visit a local cemetery in the middle of the night and sleep for three hours on a grave occupied with a dead body! The healer claimed that other people who did the same thing had been able to save their marriage.

The saddest detail of the story above is not whether the woman ultimately did what the bonumang advised her to do or not, but rather that she lost her self-respect by even trying to keep a partner who obviously wanted to be somewhere else with such a grotesque act. She may not have looked at it as such, but trying to keep someone against their will either indicates tremendous weakness or ruthless selfishness. Money or perceived security may, of course, have been a driving motive as well. But this woman has a long road ahead of regaining her sense of self-worth, and if she ever finds it, she will still have to try to forgive herself for her desperate behavior. And that can be a tough one!

The gift of forgiving

There's an amazing story of this woman named Betty* who had to cope with one of the greatest challenges in life: the cruel killing of her child. Her daughter, Debbie, a promising 16-year old, was found in a creek, raped and strangled, and tied up with copper-coated wire. After the initial devastation and anguish, Betty became consumed by hatred. She felt as if the police were dragging their feet on the case, and hired a private detective. After several months of intense investigation, the trail led to… Debbie's favorite English schoolteacher! In spite of Betty's discovery, however, it took the police another dreadful couple of months before the wire was tested and found to be, indeed, similar to what the teacher had. He was ultimately arrested and accused of murder, even though he claimed not to have raped and killed Debbie. He was sentenced to life in prison, and Betty could finally start coping with her loss.

Six years after mourning Debbie's death, Betty started to work seriously toward healing herself by granting forgiveness to the killer. It became clear to her that her life was going on, and that she might as well try to make the best of it. She made a bold decision, and visited the alleged murderer in prison to tell him about her forgiveness. Not everyone who knew Debbie felt this way, which is, of course, understandable. It takes tremendous greatness and self-transcendence to forgive some of the things that happen in our lives. Betty was able to work up forgiveness toward the person who caused her one of the worst pains a human being can endure. There is no guarantee we would be able to do the same if we were in her shoes.

Nonetheless, Betty's decision is one we can learn from, because we often hold grudges for much smaller things than the challenge she faced. Hate, fear, anger, regret, shame: these are all negative emotions that withhold us from bringing out the best in ourselves. If we manage to forgive – others as well as ourselves – we can move on with our lives: wiser and more serene. Forgiving is a great gift, mainly to ourselves. Oftentimes the object of our negative emotions is not even aware of how we feel. Once we forgive, we free ourselves from an enormous burden, and enable ourselves to breathe again, and we finally rediscover how precious it is to love, laugh, and live.

* Adopted from "Betty's Story: a Mother's forgiveness" - http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=619021&page=1

The gift of connection

How beautiful is it to be able to reach out to others if we choose to. We have been granted so many ways to connect: through a smile, through a touch, through the use of our voice, with gestures, with a look in our eyes… and thanks to technology at an increasingly larger scale through telephone, email, and social networks...

We can connect with others when we are down or when they need someone to help them through difficult times. We can connect when we are happy or when we are sad. We connect through the things that happen through us. We connect when we least think of connecting. We connect, most importantly, through the air that we breathe: our common gift – the one that is the most overlooked gift of our connection to life and to all beings…

In Awe of All the Gifts We Have...

We have many gifts we take for granted. There are so many reasons we have to be grateful: so many skills, talents, and qualities we often overlook in the daily rush of life. There is the gift of life: we go through life and rarely think about our existence in the here and now as a gift. Many of us even consider it a challenge, a curse, a bitter pill, or worse. Most of us only contemplate on the gift of life when we are confronted with illness or death.

Yet, there are so many other gifts we take for granted: the gift of our family and friends, the gift of our education, the gift of our culture, the gift to communicate with one another, and the gift to change our perspective on things we encounter. We, human beings, can shift our paradigm and transform setbacks into advantages, if we care to exercise some of our many gifts such as perseverance, creative thinking, and patience.

Reading this blog post, you are enjoying the gift of reading. Responding to it will tap on your gift of reasoning, typing, and communicating.

Which gifts do you overlook? Feel free to share, so we can all remember again how great it is to be here now.