The gift of renewing our perspectives

Just the other day I came across an article about underground banking. You may wonder why I would be interested in this topic, but it may soon become clear. First a quick explanation: underground banking is a form of service that falls outside the formal financial system. Oftentimes it involves the transfer of funds to other countries with as one of its most important objectives: tax evasion. Underground banking is considered part of the informal sphere of service, because governments have not figured out a way yet to tax it.

In the past few months I became fascinated with this whole "formal" versus "informal" economy thing. Sounds stuffy and boring? I thought so too in the beginning, but as I looked into it some more, I began to realize how much it means to our overall human wellbeing. My interest in the formal and informal economy got awakened when I had to develop proposals for presenting at a conference later this year. The topic was – you guessed it – the formal vs. informal economy! At first I thought, "Okay, this is not for me, because the subject is far from my bed!", but as I thought about it I began to see how much it concerns us all. So I gave it a shot, developed some proposals, and lo and behold: they got accepted!

Now, I will not bore you with details, but just share with you the dominant theme of my proposal. It's actually a question: can we still draw a clear line between formal and informal spheres? Our world has changed so much over the past decades: actions that used to be in the "informal" sphere are considered "formal" today, vice versa. A simple example of informal and formal spheres is a producer of homemade cookies or fruit juices. In the past everybody could prepare these things and take them to the neighborhood Mom-and-Pop store to have them on display there. Today you need to go through several motions: you need a license and formal visits from government bodies who will determine whether you have what it takes to engage in this small trade.

So, an "informal" sphere has been dragged into the "formal" arena, and can now be monitored," but most of all: it can be taxed! Then there are other economic activities that used in the formal atmosphere which are now well on their way to the Stone Age. Think of travel agencies and postal services. The Internet has made much of these activities obsolete. I now book my flights through Priceline or Hotwire, and rarely send a letter by "snail mail" anymore. For packages I (and millions of others with me) frequently use the privately coordinated mailing services of FedEx and UPS, so the formal postal service is fading. And yet, jobs in the formal
sphere are, on average, regarded higher than those in the informal sphere, because the informal sphere is usually born out of necessity: it shrinks when the economy blooms, and flares up when the economy is on the down.

The reasons why formal spheres are praised - often undeserved, by the way – has, in my opinion, much to do with control. Governments want to "monitor" activities, so they can demand taxes, and that is just easier in the "formal" sphere. Unfortunately, many people earn much less in the formal sphere than those that work in the informal sphere. As you may have gathered by now, the "spheres" are a product of our civilization. Truth of the matter is that many services in the formal sphere should undergo a serious, critical, conscious re-evaluation, because what is so respectable about producing weapons or cigarettes, which cause death and destruction? And what is so inferior about homemade crafts, or even prostitution, if they or responsibly executed (as in some countries), provide income, and reduce crime? The world is changing, and we can no longer cling to dusty, obsolete mindsets.

In my opinion there are no formal (white) or informal (black) spheres anymore today; just different shades of gray. What do you think?

The gift of awareness

A water bubble became aware of its individuality and looked around. It thought, “Wow! So many of us, and yet, we’re all so unique!” It started observing the bubbles around and realized that some were small, others huge, and many were in-between. Some looked worn out, as they had become stained by the motions of the ocean. Others were clear and shiny and looked beamingly light in the glow of the sun.

The water bubble danced along with the others and soon realized that they were creating a wave. As he moved up to the top of the wave, he got mesmerized by the view: “Oh goodies! So many other waves! That means so many more bubbles like me! And look! We’re so powerful together!” Soon, however, the wave descended, and the water bubble started craving another high. It waited a while to see what was happening, but soon got bored from the lack of activity around him. It rolled away from the bubbles that had surrounded him so far and started traveling through the ocean. Earlier, it had seen a wave that was higher than the others and in its youthful zest it wanted to be part of that one. The water bubble got confused by the many new bubbles and waves it encountered. Some were rather friendly, but some were indifferent or a bit snooty, and some were downright rude.

Finally, however, the water bubble arrived at the large wave community. It took some getting used to the new culture, because these were aggressive bubbles: they were hyperactive and bubbled away as if they were the center of the universe. The water bubble learned that his new bubble community was preparing to create the biggest wave so far. They had negotiated with some of the other smaller waves and reached an agreement: they would merge so that they would be even more powerful and maybe even become the ruler of the ocean! The water bubble prided itself in being part of this enormous wave and imagined how all other water bubbles would look up to the wave of which he was now part. And indeed! The wave soon attained the reputation of being the giant among waves, and many water bubbles from the other waves were joining the gigantic wave, making it even larger, and even more forceful. Every time the wave would ascend, the bubbles held tight and roared in excitement, causing a sound that impressed all other waves in the surrounding.

The water bubble had now experienced many roaring ascends, and was getting bored with the constant ups and downs. It suggested to the other bubbles to team up with even more smaller waves and expand into a wave like no one had ever seen before: a tsunami! That sounded like a fabulous idea to the others, and soon the merging started: waves that were not too eager to merge were simply seized. Once the number of bubbles was so much that in the furthest distance there was no other wave in sight, the major rise started. Higher and higher up went the wave. It seemed as if it was going to catch the sun! The clouds in the sky quickly moved away by this scary sight, and the wave grew with dazzling speed to a petrifying height, seizing boats, even major ships, and rushing straight to the shore, where people had been alarmed about this mammoth of a danger that was heading toward the land.

The gigantic wave towered over the land, penetrated multi-story hotels on the beach, and made its way inland for many, many miles, leaving a trail of dead and destruction wherever it went. When it finally calmed down, and the water had returned to sea, there was devastation among the creatures that lived on the land. And the water bubble? Well, it found out that water bubbles, like everything else, are impermanent. On the height of the tsunami, it got smashed to a 17th floor hotel window, and splashed. The air in the bubble merged into the airwaves outside, and the water fragments returned to the ocean along with all the rest. Moral of the story: everything arises and passes.

The gift of life

Just recently I read an article in a Surinamese newspaper about a man who went to a party with his wife and kids, drank too much, started arguing with his wife, and on the way back got in such a rage that he had his wife get out of the car, after which he drove into a river, thereby taking not only his life, but also those of the couple’s three children, ages 6, 3, and 1, who were in the car.

When one gets confronted with such nefarious acts, any comment seems pointless. I cannot begin to explain how many times my heart has cringed in sadness about the horrific last minutes of these innocent children. How dismayed must they have been to realize that the man whom they trusted to protect them from evil and misery turned out to be their executor? There is no greater disillusion thinkable! Where could we even begin to look for causes and effects? We can dig into this man’s family history or search for a pattern of domestic violence that should have alarmed his wife and family, but that doesn’t return the lives that are lost. We can try to find fault in the man’s culture or we can analyze his personal emotional baggage: it's all hindsight deliberation. Time continues in its ancient, unperturbed way, and this disheartening case is now part of history.

Yet, there are some points we may want to ponder as we move on.

First: mentality. I recently listened to a speech from Sam Harris, in which he made the assertion that culture reshapes the human brain. He referred to cultures where fathers murder their daughters if these are raped, because they are more concerned with the family’s honor than the wellbeing of their child. There may have been a similar twist in the mindset of the man who drowned himself and his children. He was filled with selfish rage against his wife, thus, he took her children away from her.

Then there’s the attitude of the man’s wife. One might wonder whether she could have tried to tactfully avoid any confrontation with the drunkard. Leaving her children in the car with such a heavy drunk turned out to be a fatal mistake. Yet, we cannot judge since we’re unaware of the circumstances.

There is also the issue of maturity: the man who drowned himself and his kids was only 28 years old. His oldest son was six. Yes, these things are "normal" in certain cultures, but maybe it is time that those cultures come to realize that some men are not mature enough at the tender age of 22 to engage in the responsibility of parenthood. I have yet to find formal research evidence, but I think in psycho-social regards men are generally younger than women of similar age.

Finally, my ever-recurring question: how on earth do we dare to consider human beings more sensitive than animals? As far as I know animals do not rob their children from their most precious gift: their lives.

The gift of making our own choices (and owning up to them)

I read on an Internet news source a few days ago that a man in Afghanistan strangled his wife to death because she had given birth to a daughter for the third time, while he had hoped for a son. As if this unnerving stupidity is not horrendous enough, the man was assisted by his mother in his despicable act! I get so disheartened when I read these things, because it demonstrates that in this "enlightened" day and age, these things are still common practice in our human behavior.

There are three reasons why I am bringing up this distasteful situation: 1. It shows that, despite the global communications and information flows, there are still too many people to which there is no access possible. The question thus arises, how we will ever be able to reach a level where we can provide basic development to all people on the globe. 2. It proves that we continue to suffer from the negative impact of cultural, religious, social, and political doctrines, which still drive many to horrendous and shortsighted acts.3. In a broader sense it emphasizes how easy it is to look out of the window instead of in the mirror when it comes to finding a perpetrator for something we are displeased about.

When, in the case mentioned above, a man cannot even accept that the gender of his baby is determined by his sperm in the first place - which indicates that he should strangle his own neck to begin with - we clearly see how devastating this weak characteristic can be! The example above illustrates a sad behavior of which all of us are guilty at times: we search for a scapegoat for something of which we often know that we are (at least partly) guilty.

And now that we're on the topic: Nothing just randomly happens to us. Everything we experience is a result of the choices we once made. Hence, everything is ultimately our responsibility! To illustrate this statement with the case of strangling husband: even if it would turn out that getting three daughters was to be attributed to the position of his wife's egg, which had caused his male chromosomes not to be able to fertilize it, he was still responsible for choosing to have sex with that particular woman, right? So, even if the argument of an arranged marriage is made, it remains a fact that no man can be forced into having sex if he does not want to? This leads to the conclusion that the man and his wife were therefore both responsible for the pregnancy, and, hence, for the product of that pregnancy.

And then the social conditions: While I feel very sorry for the poor wife's ordeal, I doubt whether she would have reacted any different if she had switched places with her mother-in-law. The problem lies deeper than a marital dispute, and we don't have to be historians or anthropologists to understand that. In several societies men are simply never blamed: certainly not when it comes to baring children. The fact that this way of thinking is still valid in 2012 is extremely disheartening. It remains easier to look out of the window and condemn the specks of sawdust in others' eyes inside of staring in the mirror at the many planks in our own eyes.

The gift of being a gift to others

It’s been a rainy season for me, emotionally speaking. I have recently lost two living beings that I was quite fond of. One was my mother, and the other my cat. Some people may wonder whether it is even appropriate to mention both in one sentence, or to consider the passing of these two beings at a similar level, but those people may not have contemplated the following:

In my life, both of these spirits were precious gifts to me: in their own way, they helped me through tough times, and I can only hope that I was able to return some of the blessings they bestowed onto me.

Coming to think of it, there were many common factors between these two loving spirits: they had both been challenged for a significant part of their lives with serious conditions, but departed rather unexpectedly, and due to entirely different causes. My mother was a triple cancer survivor, and everyone who knew her was amazed about the strength she represented by continuing her zest for life under circumstances where others would have long given up all hope. My cat – her name was Poes – had been suffering from heavy epileptic seizures since she was about 3 years old. When she passed she was a little over 11 years old, which means that for 8 long years she went through cycles of physical and mental challenges, a fact that convinced me that she must have had much more than the nine lives cats are usually claimed to have. These two “ladies” were both winners, and great role models to me in their own way. They were also very modest. My mother had great musical talents, but preferred to remain in the background, and never sought the limelight. My cat was sensitive and had the most beautiful blue eyes I have seen in a cat, but she preferred to stay in the background, especially when a little Yorkie entered our household and started demanding the majority of my attention.

There were times that I felt a slight sense of guilt toward my mother for not calling her often enough, even though I know she would have appreciated it very much. I felt similar waves of guilt toward Poes for not spending more time with her, and allowing the many other things on my agenda to get the better of me. And yet, they were both there: unwaveringly, loyally, truthfully, and without any blame. They simply accepted me for who and what I was, and continued to be the gracious gift they were.

Now that I am moving on without them, I can clearly see the value they added to my life, as well as the lives of others they touched. While they surely had their shortcomings, they did one major thing without any doubt: they served the important purpose of making the lives of others better because they existed. They were precious gifts. All I can therefore do to honor them is to try to be a precious gift as well to those I currently know and those I will still encounter on this journey.

The gift of peace

If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.
~Lao Tzu

We often associate peace with non-war. This is why we think that when we live in a country or city where there is no formal war going on, we live in peace. But is that really so? Think of all the people who lead an extremely hectic life and are always running behind something: a better job, greater salary, more power and prestige, a larger house in a wealthier neighborhood, more expensive outfits and cars than the neighbors – all those people are not at peace. Even though they don’t live in a formal war zone, there is war in their mind.

Many people confuse this internal war with ambition, and defend their constant restlessness that way. They will say that everybody does it, and that they cannot allow themselves to be left behind. This is also why many members of modern society live beyond their means and have enormous debts. They feel that they have to match up with others, so they do whatever they consider necessary to demonstrate that. What they don’t realize is that they are involved in an internal war: they fight with themselves. After all, no one else knows their struggle or can see or feel what pressure they allow themselves to be under, right?

When people place themselves under such stress they are quick to point fingers at others: parents, teachers, co-workers, bosses, society – it’s everyone else’s fault that they are in this enduring trap of over-performing and under-achieving – not theirs. The unfortunate truth is, however, that they have allowed themselves to function with a low degree of self-esteem. The more they claim that they hold high self-esteem, the more their body-language and their actions will contradict that.

There are many people with this problem – all around us. They are constantly struggling, and therefore, never at peace, regardless of their surroundings. As the quote from Lao Tzu above states, peace starts in our heart. If our hearts have no peace, we may live in the most peaceful environments, and still be at war. On the other hand, if our hearts are at peace, we may reside in the most brutal surroundings, and still be calm and composed.

This is as good a time as any to think on these things, and then deeply examine ourselves to find whether we really are at peace with ourselves, because only when we are at peace with ourselves will we be at peace with the world.

The gift of holidays

Everybody has a holiday
Doing things they always wanted to
So we’re going on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true
For me and you...

That’s what Cliff Richard sings in one of his wonderful hits from several decades ago. And he's right: holidays are great things. They are real gifts, which we often don’t recognize as such. We all have holidays, no matter what culture we live or work in. We welcome them for several reasons: family time, traveling to go see people or places, partying, catching up on tasks we never got to, or simply, to rest.

In fact, the last reason, resting, is not too often on our agenda when holidays come along. How often hasn’t it happened that we feel more tired after a holiday than before? Yet, we have it in our hands. We can either allow social requirements to get the best of us, or listen to our deepest need and adhere to that. If other words: if you’re tired, why run around on holidays? Resting may be the blessing the holidays are intended to bring you, and it’s up to you to accept or reject that.

We have come to a point where many of us have become victims of our circumstances: we are afraid that if we don’t attend this party, or if we decide to forego that trip, we may miss out on something important. But what I'm stating next is nothing new: you will get what comes to you, whether you attend that party or go on that trip or not. Everything happens as it should, so it is rather silly of us to regret chances we perceive as “missed.” They were simply not meant to be ours to start with!

If we adopt that mindset, we will probably allow ourselves much more rest on holidays, and though that, get focused on what we really need, so that we can be our best self when it’s really time to perform.

Enjoy your holiday in the way you feel is really best for your wellbeing.