The gift of now

This moment – here and now - is the only one that matters.

You may have heard that phrase many times before, but this may be the right time to savor it.

There is no other moment than this moment. All past moments, days, months, and years are just memories. All future moments, days, months, and years are projections that may or may not be realized.

This moment is the only one that matters. It’s one to be grateful for, because it is the moment all your past moments worked toward. It is the only moment in which you are your current self. In the next moment, many changes will have happened to you, physically and psychologically. Cells died off and others were created, changing the substance that is you forever. Impressions and experiences further contribute to the change: The person who woke up this morning is long gone by the time you lay your head to rest at night.

You change all the time, and that is a gift in itself. Accepting this notion will also make you more susceptible to other changes, because you acknowledge that change is an ongoing process, internally and externally, and that you are the ultimate manifestation of it.

Because you change all the time, there is no need to feel regret for situations, ventures, or relationships that went wrong in the past, because these were history teachers:  They taught you lessons you would not have learned if they did not present themselves.

Similarly, there is no need to feel excessively proud of your past achievements, because they were accomplished by someone that no longer exists. While there are elements of that person in you at this moment, the configuration has changed, and much of that past achiever has expired.

Understanding the gift of “now” can be a liberating as well as a daunting one, because it brings along the realization of its fleeting nature. It has all the ingredients of the famous quote, “This, too, shall pass”. If you are not too happy at this moment, you can rejoice in the realization that it will soon pass. If you cherish your current circumstances, you may feel melancholic about pending changes.

Yet, nothing can take away the gift of now. Anything that may happen next is not now. So, breathe deeply and be grateful for receiving the gift of now. It will soon be gone.

The gift of forgiving

There's an amazing story of this woman named Betty* who had to cope with one of the greatest challenges in life: the cruel killing of her child. Her daughter, Debbie, a promising 16-year old, was found in a creek, raped and strangled, and tied up with copper-coated wire. After the initial devastation and anguish, Betty became consumed by hatred. She felt as if the police were dragging their feet on the case, and hired a private detective. After several months of intense investigation, the trail led to… Debbie's favorite English schoolteacher! In spite of Betty's discovery, however, it took the police another dreadful couple of months before the wire was tested and found to be, indeed, similar to what the teacher had. He was ultimately arrested and accused of murder, even though he claimed not to have raped and killed Debbie. He was sentenced to life in prison, and Betty could finally start coping with her loss.

Six years after mourning Debbie's death, Betty started to work seriously toward healing herself by granting forgiveness to the killer. It became clear to her that her life was going on, and that she might as well try to make the best of it. She made a bold decision, and visited the alleged murderer in prison to tell him about her forgiveness. Not everyone who knew Debbie felt this way, which is, of course, understandable. It takes tremendous greatness and self-transcendence to forgive some of the things that happen in our lives. Betty was able to work up forgiveness toward the person who caused her one of the worst pains a human being can endure. There is no guarantee we would be able to do the same if we were in her shoes.

Nonetheless, Betty's decision is one we can learn from, because we often hold grudges for much smaller things than the challenge she faced. Hate, fear, anger, regret, shame: these are all negative emotions that withhold us from bringing out the best in ourselves. If we manage to forgive – others as well as ourselves – we can move on with our lives: wiser and more serene. Forgiving is a great gift, mainly to ourselves. Oftentimes the object of our negative emotions is not even aware of how we feel. Once we forgive, we free ourselves from an enormous burden, and enable ourselves to breathe again, and we finally rediscover how precious it is to love, laugh, and live.

* Adopted from "Betty's Story: a Mother's forgiveness" - http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=619021&page=1