The gift of peace

If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.
If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.
If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.
If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.
If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.
~Lao Tzu

We often associate peace with non-war. This is why we think that when we live in a country or city where there is no formal war going on, we live in peace. But is that really so? Think of all the people who lead an extremely hectic life and are always running behind something: a better job, greater salary, more power and prestige, a larger house in a wealthier neighborhood, more expensive outfits and cars than the neighbors – all those people are not at peace. Even though they don’t live in a formal war zone, there is war in their mind.

Many people confuse this internal war with ambition, and defend their constant restlessness that way. They will say that everybody does it, and that they cannot allow themselves to be left behind. This is also why many members of modern society live beyond their means and have enormous debts. They feel that they have to match up with others, so they do whatever they consider necessary to demonstrate that. What they don’t realize is that they are involved in an internal war: they fight with themselves. After all, no one else knows their struggle or can see or feel what pressure they allow themselves to be under, right?

When people place themselves under such stress they are quick to point fingers at others: parents, teachers, co-workers, bosses, society – it’s everyone else’s fault that they are in this enduring trap of over-performing and under-achieving – not theirs. The unfortunate truth is, however, that they have allowed themselves to function with a low degree of self-esteem. The more they claim that they hold high self-esteem, the more their body-language and their actions will contradict that.

There are many people with this problem – all around us. They are constantly struggling, and therefore, never at peace, regardless of their surroundings. As the quote from Lao Tzu above states, peace starts in our heart. If our hearts have no peace, we may live in the most peaceful environments, and still be at war. On the other hand, if our hearts are at peace, we may reside in the most brutal surroundings, and still be calm and composed.

This is as good a time as any to think on these things, and then deeply examine ourselves to find whether we really are at peace with ourselves, because only when we are at peace with ourselves will we be at peace with the world.

The gift of holidays

Everybody has a holiday
Doing things they always wanted to
So we’re going on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true
For me and you...

That’s what Cliff Richard sings in one of his wonderful hits from several decades ago. And he's right: holidays are great things. They are real gifts, which we often don’t recognize as such. We all have holidays, no matter what culture we live or work in. We welcome them for several reasons: family time, traveling to go see people or places, partying, catching up on tasks we never got to, or simply, to rest.

In fact, the last reason, resting, is not too often on our agenda when holidays come along. How often hasn’t it happened that we feel more tired after a holiday than before? Yet, we have it in our hands. We can either allow social requirements to get the best of us, or listen to our deepest need and adhere to that. If other words: if you’re tired, why run around on holidays? Resting may be the blessing the holidays are intended to bring you, and it’s up to you to accept or reject that.

We have come to a point where many of us have become victims of our circumstances: we are afraid that if we don’t attend this party, or if we decide to forego that trip, we may miss out on something important. But what I'm stating next is nothing new: you will get what comes to you, whether you attend that party or go on that trip or not. Everything happens as it should, so it is rather silly of us to regret chances we perceive as “missed.” They were simply not meant to be ours to start with!

If we adopt that mindset, we will probably allow ourselves much more rest on holidays, and though that, get focused on what we really need, so that we can be our best self when it’s really time to perform.

Enjoy your holiday in the way you feel is really best for your wellbeing.

The gift of you

A lady once had a precious necklace around her neck. But, forgetful as we can all be sometimes, she forgot that she had it on and thought her necklace was lost. She looked for it everywhere but could not find it. She called friends and family members to ask if they knew the whereabouts of her precious necklace, but none of them had any idea where it could be. At last one of her friends suggested for her to feel around her neck to find out if, perhaps, she was wearing it? She felt around her neck and, indeed, found that the necklace had been there all along. In the days after her frantic search, the lady's friends and family members called her to ask if she found her necklace. She admitted to finding it, because to her it was as if she had lost it, even though it had been with her all the time.

Just as it is with the precious jewelry of the lady above, so is it too with our self. We often forget our most important gift, our self - which is always with us -, and seek everything we need outside. We ask friends and family members, mentors, colleagues, supervisors, gurus, and others to advise us about issues to which we could actually find the best answers by turning to the jewel inside.

Many people are skeptical about this notion of an inner guru. That is because they have been programmed so well and so long to rely on everything and everybody else for counsel, that they no longer believe they harbor the capacity to develop insights. Some of them visit the inner fountain at times, and then forget about it again, as they get caught in the demanding quests of life. Others may initially turn inward and find answers, but then get influenced by an externally focused environment, upon which they promptly lose touch with their core.

Nevertheless: all the awareness you need in life resides inside of you. A good way to reconnect with this inner wealth is through meditation. Meditation is not a religious process, but more a psychological one. And just as well as we have been psychologically conditioned to think that insight and awareness are external treasures to be chased continuously, we can psychologically recondition ourselves to understand that they reside inside.

Sir Ken Robinson, one of the most brilliant critics of our education system, gives a funny but telling example of a little girl who is drawing something. When her teacher asks her what she’s drawing she says, "I'm drawing God." The teacher says, "But no one knows what God looks like!" Little girl: "They will in a minute."

There was a time you were like that little girl, with a similar connection to your inner awareness and imagination. You can restore that connection and rediscover the path to your inner fountain and its abundance. Try it. It may be an enjoyable journey!

The gift of breathing

"Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies".~ Erich Fromm

You may have heard people say that we only value something when we have lost it. That is very true. But there is one thing that's so critical, that we no longer exist once we lost it: our breath.

Day after day, we are so busy undertaking all kinds of "important" actions, that we take the things that really matter for granted. Breathing is one of those things. How often do we simply take a moment to focus on our breathing? And yet, it is the one thing that distinguishes us from death. But because we have been blessed with this gift from birth, we don't think about it too often. We rarely value it, until there is a moment when we get in trouble and cannot breath. That moment can be a minuscule one. Just a few seconds. When the air is cut off, we suddenly realize that all those appointments, living standards, desires, special someone's, positions and possessions don't really matter. When our breath gets cut off, we are ready to sacrifice all those "important" things to get it back.

There is a touching story of a man who suffered from asthma. He just met a pretty young lady, and they were getting along very well. Yet, about a week after they met, while making plans to go to the movies, he got a terrible asthma attack. It was so severe, that his friend realized she had to do something drastic. She stopped a passing car and explained the problem. As they raced to the hospital, the young man’s breath stopped completely. However, his girlfriend was not planning to let him slip away, and she performed CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) onto him over and over again until they reached their destination, where he was rushed inside and placed on a ventilator. By giving him her breath, he stayed alive. They are now happily married and have a family. It would not have been possible without sharing her breath in those critical moments.

Breathing is possible through the air around us, and we all know that we would not survive if that was gone. The earth, our common home, harbors the right amount of oxygen and the perfect temperature to provide us with the conditions to stay alive. But that, too, is something we don't consider often enough. Instead, we mainly focus on things that disrupt our peace of mind, such as trying to own a more advanced car than our neighbor, or wear a more expensive dress that our friend, or acquire a higher position than our colleague. We want to impress, and we are filled with the ambition to do so. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, as long as it does not become such an obsession that it entirely disrupts our joy in life. It is critical to regularly keep the bigger picture in mind, and the funny thing is, that the bigger picture is captured in the modest things. But without the basic conditions, which we all share and need, there would be none of our daily strife.

So, here's to the gift of breathing.

The gift of our time

When we're young, and even in our middle-aged years, we get so busy that we tend to lose sight of the real important things in our lives, because they seem so simple. We become so absorbed by new people, projects, plans, purposes, and promises, that we forget all the old ones that made us who we are today. And sometimes it takes an unexpected event to regain our focus and realize what should really be our priority.

There is a story about a young, successful man, who had moved to another town to increase his career chances in life. He also had a wife and son, but, like most young fathers and husbands, he did not spend a lot of time with them, because he was always doing something that was either important or urgent. One day his mother called and told him that their old neighbor had passed away. The young man was quiet for a moment, then admitted that he honestly thought the old man had died long ago. Well, this wasn’t the case, and the mother was hoping he would be able to come over for the funeral. But the young man stated that he was too busy. His mother talked on and started reminiscing about all the things the old neighbor did for the young man when he was a little boy. Gradually the past started reliving and the young man realized what a major role the old neighbor had played in his childhood, especially after he lost his father. Images that he had long forgotten returned to his mind: the neighbor teaching him to create and repair little things, to make his own kite, to fix his bicycle tire... And while his mother was still recalling how nice it was of this old neighbor to try and play the role of a semi-father in the young boy's life, the young man felt his heart melting and said to his mother that he would attend the funeral after all.

The funeral was small and insignificant, and as the young man was driving his mother home, she suggested to visit the old neighbor’s house one more time. Everything was the same, except for an old box, which had consistently been the center of his attention as a little boy. He had always asked what was in that box, but the old neighbor had only smiled vaguely. Weeks later, as life had regained its hectic pace, a package was delivered to the young man's office. It turned out to be the box from the neighbor, which he had left to the young man. The antique box, a beauty in its own right, contained a wonderful gold watch, in which five words were engraved: “Thank you for your time.”

These 5 words changed the young man's perspective on life. He suddenly realized how much their time together must have meant to the old neighbor, and what a valuable gift time really is. We allocate our time to projects and things that later seem so futile in the larger scheme of things. Let us consider that, be grateful for the time others give us, and carefully consider which dear person we withheld the gift of our time lately. Then, let's do something about that!

Story source: http://www.rogerknapp.com/inspire/What%20he%20valued%20most.htm

The gift of appreciation

It's been a tough couple of weeks, and I wouldn't know where to start complaining if you'd ask me.
But you don't ask, so I won't start.

Besides, I had an epiphany this afternoon while engaging in a chore I came to enjoy: walking my daughter's dog. I don't own any pets, but do take care of the cat and dog of my two daughters.

So, while walking, and struggling with a sense of self-pity that has been trying to overwhelm me for the last two weeks, I decided to open my eyes for real – not just literally, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually, and take a good look at my life -- a look at my current circumstances.

And that's when it hit me:

I could've been hit by a car, but I wasn’t, so I'm fortunate, I can say.
I could've been smashed by a crashing plane, but they stayed up today.

Some lunatic could have shot me down, but I was spared that plight.
A meteorite could have dropped from the sky, but none was in sight.

I could have been attacked by a coyote, mountain lion or snake...
An earthquake could’ve rattled me to death, but there was no shake.

I could have had a heart attack and landed in a hospital or mortuary,
But instead I finished my stroll and returned safely to my sanctuary.

Since we're on the physical, it could’ve been a stroke or natural cause
That would have forced me to quit my frenzy and take a mindful pause.

Abduction, stabbing - even hand punches –were not part of my day,
So I'll quit puckering about futile setbacks, and happily continue my way.

The gift of meditation

Last week I threw my back out. The only way that could have happened is during my sit up exercises, which I just restarted after years of idleness in that regard. Now, that back problem has never occurred before, so, aside from hemming and hawing about old age and all the physical challenges it brings, I wasn't sure what to do about it.

For two days I struggled with shooting pains in my lower back, almost unable to even do my work behind the computer. And then I remembered my visit to India in 2008 and the Vipassana meditation I came to practice ever since. I usually meditate to keep myself composed, to see things in a different light, to distance myself from the defilements of daily life such as holding grudges, feeling victimized, developing a sense of entitlement, getting agitated, wallowing in self-pity, and other dismal emotions. My meditation helps me understand so many things that would disturb me in the past: people who are difficult, demanding, or downright mean, for instance. Before I would wonder why I had to endure these characters on my path. Now I understand their purpose of being teachers in my life, along with the fact that they have a problem which I can choose to make mine or not. So I simply learn my lessons, feel compassion for them, and move on.

But when my backache was really becoming such a nuisance that I started thinking of undergoing a string of chiropractor visits, I decided to apply another dimension of my meditation: one that I don't quite apply enough: the one of self-healing. I thought, "Well, if it doesn't help, it won't hurt to try it anyway." So I sat down in lotus position and started my meditation: concentrating on my breathing at first to calm the mind. Soon enough I started focusing fully at the sore spot in my lower back. I could feel the area tingling as my attention became more intense, and I just mentally observed it for a while. Then, I started sending healing thoughts to the spot, and regulated my thoughts to my breath:
Health in... illness out... wellness in... soreness out... good in...bad out...
Health in... illness out... wellness in... soreness out... good in...bad out...
Health in... illness out... wellness in... soreness out... good in...bad out...

I landed in the most beautiful place, all white and soft, as if I was in a huge soursop with endless pathways, indulging in gentleness. When I got out of my meditation, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the strain in my lower back was gone. Still slightly skeptical, I paid close attention in the following days, but I only felt very faint pressure, which faded immediately when I started focusing on the spot. This morning, I was able to do what I had doubted all week: my 3-mile Sunday morning walk.

So, what can I say? You don't have to try it if you don't believe in it, of course. No one will force you or get upset if you take all of this with a huge grain of salt. But what I realized once again in the past few days is that we, modern day's human beings, have forgotten much of the wealth and capabilities we were born with. Finding answers and healing ourselves are just some of them. We have become externalizers: we count on everyone and everything else for advice, healing, and general well-being. Our internal locus of control is smaller and weaker than ever. And meditation can help to strengthen and expand it. I hope I won’t forget this again the next time I need pain relief.